I Watched 15 Minutes Of Sausage Party And What The Hell Is Going On?

Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I’ve only actually seen the first fifteen minutes of Sausage Party. Life never runs smoothly, the best laid plans gang aft a-gley and - you know - power cuts happen.

While this would, under normal circumstances, make it difficult to offer up an opinion, the first fifteen minutes of Sausage Party were the most perverse, innuendoed, ‘was-that-a-Hitler-joke?‘, minutes of my life. So, hey. I’m going to give it a go.

Frank (Seth Rogen) is a sausage who’s dying to get up inside Brenda (Kristen Wiig), his friendly neighbourhood bread bun. And, as luck would have it, they end up getting chosen (by “the gods”, aka the shoppers), together. Great news! Once they leave the supermarket, and enter the big, wide world, they’ll be able to have all the kinky sex they want (and it’s quickly established that kinky sex is pretty much all that food thinks about).

But wait. As Frank and Brenda are celebrating their salvation, some honey mustard (Danny McBride) also gets chosen, and drops into their trolley. Now, this particular mustard is somewhat of a buzz-kill. You see, he’s already experienced the world outside, and he didn’t exactly like what he saw… He doesn’t want to go back; doesn’t want to face whatever horror he caught a glimpse of on his first trip to the great outdoors. And he’s not planning to, either…

“What’s he going to do?!” you cry! Well, I have no idea. At this point, the screen cut to black, Michael Cera’s dulcet tones fell silent and we were left with nothing but a slightly shell-shocked sheen (I wasn’t joking about the Hitler jokes) and a whole lot of questions. Will Frank and Brenda do the deed? What’s waiting for them on the outside? What the hell was up with Honey Mustard?!

Well, technically I don’t know but luckily, there were some complimentary Sausage Party colouring books on hand (you know, for the kids). Filled with scenes from the film, I’ve used mine to fill in the blanks, and just figure out what happened next…

Basically, I’m assuming that Frank and Brenda get out of the supermarket, and for a while, things go great. It’s food porn (and this time I mean literally) as a whole host of food stuffs - not just buns and sausages - get down and dirty. There’s cauliflower cunnilingus. A carrot gets a blow job. There’s orgies. Orgasms. Some weird shit with cutlery that I’m sure is just S&M… All sounds great!

But, alas, the culinary sex marathon is interrupted. The food discover that their beloved “gods” actually are buying them to eat them (the horror), and Frank, Brenda and friends are forced to find a way to escape.

Now, while I can’t actually speak for the latter five sixths of the film, it’s worth remarking that in my Sausage Party colouring book, there’s a word search where you have to find 15 “fucks”, a “motherfucker” and a few “whores”, which suggests that this isn’t a film to take your grandma to, just as the game asking you to match various foods (hotdog, twinkie, taco) to “gay”, “jew” or “mexican”, might ward off anyone too politically correct…

Besides, even if I didn’t have this dirty, dirty merchandise to give me clues, the first fifteen minutes of Sausage Party more than capably sets the tone (triumphantly low).

If we pretended for a second that Sausage Party was actually - to everyone’s surprise - just 15 minutes long, well then wow. You’d find it a jaw-droppingly bizarre, laugh-out-loud funny and sexually charged (if somehow incomplete) movie.

It might be the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen, you’ll find yourself asking questions like “how?” and “why?” and “are they really making a sentient vaginal douche joke”, and you’ll no doubt wonder how it ever got greenlighted.

But my god, for those fifteen minutes, you’ll enjoy it.

I’ll definitely be buying a ticket to see what happens next.