This Could Be The Most Intense And Funny Poop Story Ever

Poo stories are nothing new, but this lady right here had an emotional roller coaster, the likes of which I don’t think I have heard before.

The story was originally told to Buzzfeed by a lady refereed to as Carol. Prepare yourself, this is about to get heavy.

“It was my freshman year of college, and my antibiotics were wreaking havoc on my digestive system.
I knew I was going to be seeing a certain guy at a party, so I wore my tightest skirt and probably drank a little more than was advisable.”

Yep, she decided it was worth the risk. And it was, kind of. Things obviously went well because she ended up heading back to the guy’s dorm.

“He had a top bunk, which required some maneuvering to get to, but we ended up making it up there and **hanging out**. Due to my barely-contained gastrointestinal distress, I kept everything above the waist, for fear of losing my already-precarious control over my intestinal muscles.”

OK, so she’s had a bit of fun, but, considering her stomach situation, now would be the perfect time for her to leave, right? Well, yes it would have been, but the guy invited Carol to stay over, and for some reason she said yes. WHY CAROL, WHY?

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“I had such a bad stomach ache that I couldn’t fall asleep. I decided that it was impossible to get down and back up to the bunk bed without waking up both him and his roommate, so…When I was sure he was asleep, around 3 a.m., I very carefully parted my butt cheeks to release the most silent fart possible, but liquid hell came out. I’m talking, like, that first splatter when you have diarrhea and you make it to the toilet and sit down and it just lets loose.””

“I panicked. I could feel my skirt and underwear barely holding the mess in (thank GOD I wore such a tight skirt – it was instrumental in keeping this mess from dropping out).”

Eek. Things aren’t looking so hot for Carol right now. Get out of there woman, run for the hills. That’s probably what she was planning but as luck would have it, the boy woke up. Yep, right after she pooped herself.

“In my poop-induced panic, I gave him a hand job to distract him. I was as red as a beet from the embarrassment of having actually given a hand job as my big solution to this issue, and I needed to extract myself as soon as I could.”

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It actually has a happy ending. Well, about as happy as this story can get.

“I walked home, across campus, with liquid shit running down my legs… and then I realized I left my keys at his place. Thankfully, my RA was awake and let me into the dorm, in all of my diarrhea-soaked splendor.”

“Needless to say, I haven’t consumed alcohol while on antibiotics since. I ended up dating the guy for almost three years after this happened. And I found out a year ago that he had NO idea I liquid-shat myself in his bed that first night. He fondly remembered the hand job, though…”

Wow.

H/T: Buzzfeed