“Sex-Crazed” Spiders Set To Invade UK Homes This Autumn

In news that nobody particularly wants to hear, it looks like sex-crazed spiders the size of mice will be showing up in UK homes this autumn.

And, to make matters worse, it transpires that these 12cm arachnids have probably been lurking in your dark corners all year - they’re normally reclusive fellows, but now that it’s mating season and they’re horny, they’ll crawl out of their hiding places to find a female to get busy with.

We can all sympathise with this (it’s nice to have someone to cuddle in the colder months), but if you’re not okay with hosting a gigantic spider dating service, you can cock block the randy bastards by putting them in seclusion, in a shed (if you put them outside, they’ll die).

The bad news is that if you find one gigantic spider in your home, it’s likely that there’s a whole lot more hiding. As pest controller Steve McGrail told The Derbyshire Times:

“If you find them, it’s pretty much impossible to rid your house of them.

They may disappear for a period of time, but other spiders will come in their place.”

Like grey hairs.

Sleep tight guys…